Daddy

The following story is fiction.

Daddy

I hear the doors slamming. I try to keep quiet, but I can't stop the tears. Why is it happening again? I can hear his voice. He's shouting at her. I don't know why they are fighting. Why don't they stop? I hide under the covers, but I hear things crashing. Maybe he will leave me alone tonight. Maybe I won't wake up tomorrow with bruises.

I'm getting better at explaining things. My teacher asked me today how I got the bruise on my arm. I told her I fell off my bike. I don't have a bike, but I think she believed me. She didn't ask any more questions.

He's gone again tonight. Mommy and I are eating dinner alone. She made green beans. She knows I hate them, but I didn't say anything. I just ate them. She cries a lot, but maybe she will smile. I haven't seen her smile for a long time. That's why I ate my green beans.

I didn't mean to do it. I really didn't. The plant just fell over. I didn't mean for the dirt to get on the carpet. He yells so loud. He's looking for me. I know it. I'm hiding in the closet. Maybe God will protect me. Maybe he won't find me. Oh no! He's in my room. I can smell the alcohol. The door is opening. No daddy, no! I didn't mean it, I promise!

We're all in church right now; me, mommy and daddy. I asked daddy why we go to church. He said because God is like our daddy, so we go to talk to Him. Daddy slapped me when I asked why we don't go every Sunday. I shouldn't have asked.

He hates me. I know he does. He told me tonight. I asked for help with my math, but he got mad and told me he hated me. I must be doing something wrong. Why do you hate me daddy? I will try to be better. I won't ask you for anything. I will be good. I'm in bed right now. I think he fell asleep. He had a lot of beer. Sometimes he falls asleep when he drinks.

They're fighting again. Mommy is crying. I think he hit her. I wish I could make them stop. He shouldn't hit mommy. I try to play with my toys, but I can still hear them. I open the door a little to see if mommy is all right. All I see is him coming towards me. I shut the door, but it's too late. I can hear him opening the door. I think I wet myself.

He's really mad tonight. Madder than I have ever seen. I hear him go into their bedroom. I don't know what he's doing. He's back out now. Why is Mommy screaming? She's crying now. What is he doing to her? I think I heard a gun. It was really loud. I'm too scared to go out of my room. I can hear him calling my name. I hide under the bed. He's in my room. I can see his feet. He's swearing. I hear the gun again. Something fell on the bed. I felt it. I'm too scared to come out. He might be waiting. It might be a trick.

I hate you God! Why did you let him kill mommy? Why couldn't he kill himself first? I hate him. I hate him. I hate him! They say I have to leave the house. I don't know the man's name. Why do I have to go? I hate him. God, daddy said you were like a daddy. Well, I hate you too. I hate all daddies! I hate them!

I think they call it an orphanage. There are lots of other kids here. I don't see many adults. I play a lot and go to my classes. I'm lonely. Sometimes adults come in and talk to the children. The other kids don't talk to me. Sometimes when the adults come, they take one of the other kids.

I have a new family. They came and talked to me. I think they liked me. I'm going home with them today. I wonder what it will be like. They seemed nice. It was a man and a woman. I hope he doesn't hurt me much. That would be nice. Maybe they will have a dog.

He bought me a bike! I've never had a bike before. I don't know how to ride it, but he said that he will teach me. It's a three-speed. I think it's a really fast bike. That's why it has three speeds.

I accidentally broke a glass today. He saw me do it so I ran to my room. He came in and so I went in the corner. I thought he was going to hit me. He sat down next to me. He said it was ok. He gave me a hug. I was scared.

He hasn't beat me yet. He gets mad, but he just sends me to my room. He always comes in and talks to me later. I don't understand. Why doesn't he hit me? Maybe he's waiting to see how strong I am.

I'm going fishing. Just me and him. I've never been fishing before. I saw somebody fishing on TV one time. It looked tough. Maybe he will help me. I think fish are heavy. I don't know if I can lift one. He probably can. I think he's probably the strongest man in the world. One time I saw him lift the washing machine.

I hugged him today. I don't know why, but I just did. He was watching football on TV, just like daddy used to do. He smiled real big. So did she. Both of them hugged me back. I didn't know what to do.

They both told me that they loved me. I don't really know what love means. Maybe it means that you don't hit each other. Maybe it means you go fishing and watch football. I don't know. I think I might like love.

We go to a different church, but I like it. We go every Sunday. I learn the stories and then we all sing together. The adults listen to the pastor. I used to be afraid to go to church. I always got slapped. I'm not afraid anymore.

I called him daddy today. I didn't mean to say it. He gave me a hug and told me he loved me. I think he started crying because I told him I loved him too. I can hear mommy calling us for dinner. We're playing baseball right now. We'll be right in. Maybe I was wrong about daddies.

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Our view of God is often affected by the way we perceive our fathers. What kind of father did you have? Was he kind and caring? Was he abusive? Was he distant and unresponsive? Now, how do you view God?

Many of us believe that God exists, but the real questions we want answered are: Is God good? Can I trust Him with my heart or will I just get hurt again?

Here is the way the Bible describes God:

Matthew 7:9-11 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
James 1:17-18 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created."


I John 4:13-19 "We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us."

What about all the bad things that happen to us? you might ask. Well, we live in an imperfect world. Mankind is sinful and there is also the devil who causes bad things to happen.

The good news is that God can help us through the trials and tribulations. Consider Romans 8:28-39:

" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

There is another side to this story, for parents. Fathers, mothers, how do your children view you because of the way you treat them or interact with them? How does their view of you affect their view of God?

With all of this, I want to encourage you: God loves you like a son. God loves you like a daughter. He truly has your best interests at heart, even when you can't see the big picture. Even if you have suffered from your relationship with your earthly father, your Heavenly Father cares deeply about you and wants to restore you and heal your wounds. Let Him dry your tears and hold you in His arms.